When's a fail not a fail?

Fosters are the backbone of any rescue operation. But I'd like to go on the record about the misconceptions that swirl around "foster fail."

The last few weeks, our quiet rescue days have flipped back into another round of Whack-a-mole, Unwanted Dog Edition. So many dogs who need special care, urgently, and so many owners who need handholding and heartholding.

I’ll let the dust settle on those stories before I write about them. In the meantime, I was thinking about something as I was scrolling through Instagram, which I do because I have so much work to do. When you have a lot of work to do, you’re supposed to watch videos of dogs in masks scaring other dogs. I don’t make the rules.

I follow a lot of our foster homes there. The other day I came across a post from one of our veterans, Sonya. She had adopted her most recent foster dog, Hades (he came with that name, don’t @ me), after he was put up for adoption and got zero response. He’s not housebroken and has a few “issues.”

Hades celebrated his graduation and went immediately to his forever home!

The Insty post was about Hades returning from a Board and Train program, featuring him wearing his little mortarboard. It made me so warm inside.

Storme’s a-brewing

Then there was another foster, Clara, who had Storme. He was prey-driven—rescue jargon for “likes to kill small animals”—and didn’t like other dogs, either. While fostering him, Clara, who was living in a condo, had to leave her guinea pigs with a nearby friend. Storme was adopted out by a couple, but was returned to Clara four days later after becoming aggressive toward the husband. He prefers women as he’s only lived with single women.

“He was almost adopted again in September,” Clara said, “but the woman actually thought he was so bonded with me when we had a meet and greet that she suggested I should adopt him.”

Clara thought a lot about it; her space was not good for him. He lunged at people in the condo and came close to biting a baby. He also barked at every noise he heard in the building. “So after 20 years living there,” she said, “I decided it was time to move to a house with a fenced yard for Storme to run around and play fetch. He’s very good at fetching and bringing the ball back to me. I also needed to get my guinea pigs back home.”

Storme to the world: Who you callin’ a fail?!

So Clara bought a house! So she and Storme and her guinea pigs could all live together. Can you imagine that? Again, my heart explodes!

This is not your typical foster fail. This is not, the-dog-is-so-cute-and-I’m-in-love fail, it’s the I-can’t-bear-the-thought-of-this-dog-feeling-unwanted fail. This is a whole other category of fail.

James redux

This is basically what happened to me with James. I took him in to foster because he was diagnosed with the same type of kidney failure that my sweet Wisteria had. She died in December 2022 and we were taking a break from dogs when we were notified about James the next month.

I reluctantly offered to foster him because I knew I had the greatest vet for his condition, Dr. Dennis Slade at Animal Medical Center. His medical wizardry had given Wisteria seven more years than we were initially told she’d have.

When I took James, there was an adopter interested. She was a nurse practitioner who had a lot of knowledge about his issues, and I was thrilled. I didn’t want him here long; it would be too sad to bring in a dog just for the worst part of having a dog. But after a couple of emails back and forth and what I thought was a good phone call, she ghosted me. And James needed to live somewhere. And our apartment and our family would be that somewhere.

I always tell people the dog you get is the dog you need, and not necessarily the dog you want. Of course, when the woman ghosted me, I cursed her. And I told the voice in me that said, “The dog you get isn’t necessarily the dog you think you want” to put a sock in it. And that was James—initially the dog we needed, but over nearly two years he became the wonderful dog we wanted. The same goes with Hades and Storme and their new homes.

I rarely foster these days because of Debby. As you know, she’s not the biggest fan of other dogs, and we just don’t have room in our apartment to allow two dogs to live separate lives.

Why fosters matter

But fostering remains on my mind, especially when I see photos of the dogs that are so cute, and needy. But fostering is hard. And at the moment I’m doing a bunch of other hard things. This is why I value my foster homes so much.

Hades was one of Sonya’s many foster fails. “When I’ve thought about adopting a foster,” she said, “it mostly revolves around What is best for THIS dog? and Is this dog easily adopted out—young and healthy and no major behavioral issues? If yes, then I’m probably not keeping it. We have the circumstances to keep the ‘difficult’ dogs.

“My husband, Chris, is retired now and I work from home. We’re financially able to commit to health care or behavioral issues (thanks Hades!). We have a big fenced-in yard and a big house that we can ‘gate and rotate’ if necessary.”

We get a lot of people who apply to foster and drop out before the approval is done. When some people find out what’s truly required of them, they often find it to be pretty daunting.

Some of these dogs come in needing urgent medical care that turns into round-the-clock medications. And some of these dogs are in such a condition that they can’t be adopted out. Those become our forever fosters. But Storme and Hades are not forever fosters, they’re now full-fledged family members. These families chose them and honestly, they chose their families right back.

To foster or not to foster

I hear from a lot of people who think they could never foster, they would be too sad to have to say goodbye to a foster dog. I think sometimes you are sad when a foster dog leaves, and sometimes you’re ready to have your quiet life back. I often think it’s like sending your child to college or even kindergarten.

It’s what needs to happen for everyone, but your heart breaks a little. The thing is you wouldn’t want your child to stay home so you would never have to feel sad, and you wouldn’t want a dog to sit in a shelter because you’d be sad sending him to his forever home. That would probably make you feel sadder than saying goodbye.

Fostering definitely isn’t for everyone, but it’s something any person who loves dogs should try at least once or twice. I know many of you consider fostering; if that’s you, here are some things to ponder:

•Do you have a dog-friendly dog? If yes then, great! If no, then it’s a no (dawg).

•Do you have some time in your schedule? Are you finding yourself with spare time where you daydream about fostering? Or are you stretched so thin that one more thing will put you over the edge? That’s a valid reason to pass. But if not, a rescue would be so grateful!

•Do you have a dog-free home? If so, you are GOLD to rescues. We frequently get dogs that aren’t good with other dogs; having a dog free-home means we can help them. If we don’t, we just can’t. And some dogs aren’t socialized—just like some people.

A great foster home changes the world for so many dogs. And if you really fall in love with the dog and you can’t say goodbye, how can that be called a failure? Loving a dog is always worth it, whether they’re on their way somewhere else, or living out the rest of their days with you.

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As I said last week: Knicks in 5!

P.S. The Knicks won! And Mikal Bridges brought his dog, Sonny, to the ticker-tape parade this week! If we didn’t already love Mikal enough for helping the Knicks win the NBA title, he sealed it with this quote: "That's my son right there. He takes care of me, I take care of him."

At the Knicks’ parade: 2 million people, and at least 1 dog.